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Stream It Or Skip It: ‘The Princess’ on Hulu, in Which Joey King Is The Queen of Kicking Ass

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With The Princess (now on Hulu), Joey King officially transitions from Ramona Quimby to the second coming of Beatrix Kiddo. Well, mostly – the Ramona and Beezus and The Kissing Booth star plays a bride who can whup ass with the best of them, sure, but in this instance, she’s a medieval princess who spurns a cretinous prince at the altar and subsequently has to kick, punch, slash and bash-in-the-nads her way through an attempted coup. Look out systematic patriarchal societal norms, here she comes!

The Gist: Once upon a time in a CGI castle, a young woman in a wedding gown awoke to find herself shackled. She was snatched and drugged and placed on the bed, nuptial pearls and braids down the back of her head. From here on out, I will no longer rhyme, for to do such a thing would be against humanity a crime. This isn’t a fairy tale, anyway, it’s a nightmare for a woman here known only as The Princess (King) – her father the king was forcing her to marry a real sleazebaggano, Julius (Dominic Cooper), for diplomatic reasons. She couldn’t go through with it, jilted the shit out of him, and now finds herself in this predicament. Julius then deployed his Atrocious Guard (Who Don’t Fight Very Good) (note: that’s not their official title) to take over the castle so he can rule the kingdom, which he whines about because it’s nice and diverse and doesn’t have enough white people in it and doesn’t revere tradition like it used to. I’m simplifying his reasoning. He says things that sound a quarter-inch away from modern right-wing extremism, which is pretty funny, because it reminds one that such ideology was backwards even in medieval times.

Anyway, when the cuffed Princess is visited by two members of the Atrocious Guard, she demonstrates her capabilities by unleashing a bloodcurdling rebel yell, dislocating her thumb to shed a shackle and taking the two galoots out in spectacular fashion: hatpin to eyeball, and roundhouse-kick defenestration. Looks like a lotta people are soon going to be doing tons of underestimatin’. Nice dress, Princess, it’d be a shame if someone else’s blood got all over it. How did she become Not At All Like Every Other Princess? She secretly trained with Linh (Veronica Ngo), a local warrior schooled in some martial arts. Princess’ mom, the Queen (duh), knew about it, but her father didn’t, and he surely would’ve disapproved, and there’s still time for him to disapprove, because we’re only like five minutes into the movie at this point, but frankly, if she hadn’t learned to punch and parry and dodge and swordfight, the king and his kingdom would be in real deep crap. She’s pretty much its only hope.

It’s a good thing The Princess’ wedding-day outfit put her in flats, because the castle has a lot of stairs she has to run up and down while mowing her way through the Atrocious Guard and its miscellaneous standout bruisers, who show up here and there like end-of-level bosses in a video game. She eventually finds her boots and sword, tears off her hem and poofy sleeves, and uses her corset straps to choke an attacking imbecile because, you know, symbolism. For the sake of making this all less repetitive, Linh eventually arrives on the scene to help, and Julius’ right-hand woman, Moira (Olga Kurylenko), shows that she can fight like hell too, being nasty nasty nasty with a barbed whip. And on it goes. My advice to anyone standing in The Princess’ way is to not stand in her way.

The Princess Hulu MOvie
Photo: 20th Century Studios / Courtesy Everett Collection

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: The Princess is Tangled by way of, um, The Secret Society of Second-Born Royals by way of Brave by way of Kill Bill.

Performance Worth Watching: Didn’t I already imply that Joey King’s shift from adorable-kid actor to whupassologist is pretty entertaining?

Memorable Dialogue: Watch what you say around The Princess:

Nameless Member of the Atrocious Guard: Someone needs to teach you your place.

The Princess: I’ve heard that before.

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: Princess movies are usually wish fulfillment of a different kind – landing the hunky prince, living a life of opulent leisure, maybe side-saddling a horse. The Princess is an empowerment fable in which women teach women how to fight in case they have to fight other women fighters. The men don’t put up much of a fight here; they’re either bumbling oafs, sneering arrogant blowhards or, in the case of her father the king, someone who just Doesn’t Get It. Not that this movie is a complex metaphor for gender politics; it leans heavily on the novelty of its star playing against type while playing a character who’s playing against type. A princess in fancy garb foregoes being demure and proper, instead brutalizing people who deserve it, and we’re entertained by that. It works because nobody’s overthinking anything here.

Director Le-Van Kiet goes about 60/40 in the choreography/flashy-editing of fight sequences, a decent ratio for what appears to be a fairly limited budget. Not afraid to get dirty and sweaty, King gamely throws herself into the fray, and her effort shows via a fairly convincing display of gutsy physicality. There are so so many Atrocious Guardsmen to chop down or string up, so so many, but Kiet gives us just enough variation in set pieces and technique to keep us from griping. My beef is with the tone, which at the beginning of the movie seems like parody, the violence like Looney Tunes, but by the end, it veers into schmaltzy earnestness. It seems as if Kiet and screenwriters Ben Lustig and Jake Thornton lost their nerve after a while, only reaching 75 percent craziness saturation, when about 80 or 85 would’ve tipped the scale towards exhilarating satire and edgy, over-the-top violence. But as it stands, its lengthy string of assaults and batteries against overly presumptuous men and their vulnerable genitalia is still pretty fun to watch.

Our Call: STREAM IT. The Princess sets up the premise and knocks it down with medium-strength spirit and gusto.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.

Stream The Princess on Hulu

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What Time Will ‘Riverdale’ Season 6 Be on Netflix?

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The season finale of Riverdale aired in late July on The CW. Notice we said season finale? Thankfully, the beloved series will return for a seventh season, but, unfortunately, Season 7 will be the final installment of Riverdale.

If you already streamed the current season, make sure to read Alex Zalben’s interview with Riverdale showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa on Decider. If you’re waiting to binge Season 6 on Netflix, well, you better clear your calendar because all 22 episodes are about to drop on the streamer. What time will the sixth season of Riverdale debut on Netflix? What time does Netflix release shows? Here’s everything you need to know.

WHEN IS THE RIVERDALE SEASON 6 NETFLIX RELEASE DATE?

Riverdale Season 6 premieres Sunday, August 7 on Netflix.

HOW MANY EPISODES ARE IN RIVERDALE SEASON 6?

The sixth season of Riverdale consists of 22 episodes.

WHAT TIME DOES NETFLIX RELEASE NEW SHOWS?

Netflix releases new episodes at 3:00 a.m. ET/12:00 a.m. PT.

WHAT TIME WILL RIVERDALE SEASON 6 BE ON NETFLIX?

Netflix is based out of California, so Riverdale Season 6 will be available to stream at 12:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Time (3:00 a.m. Eastern Standard Time) beginning Sunday, August 7. If the clock strikes 12:00 (or 3:00 a.m. for folks on the East Coast) and you don’t see the new episodes, give it a moment, hit refresh, and then enjoy the show!

WILL THERE BE A SEASON 7 OF RIVERDALE?

Yes! Decider recently covered that very topic.

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Actress Anne Heche Suffers Severe Burns After Crashing Car Into Los Angeles Home

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Actress Anne Heche, known for her roles in such films as Donnie Brasco, Volcano and I Know What You Did Last Summer, was involved in a fiery car crash in the Mar Vista area of Los Angeles on Friday.

According to TMZ, Heche was driving a blue Mini Cooper and had first crashed into the garage of an apartment complex. Residents of the apartment complex tried to get her out of the vehicle but she backed up and sped off.

Footage of Heche speeding down the streets of her neighborhood had been obtained by TMZ as well as her initial encounter at the apartment complex.

In the first clip, you can hear her car crash towards the end. It has been reported that the actress crashed into someone’s home, causing her vehicle and the house to erupt into flames. Heche suffered severe burns and was resisting being taken away in a stretcher. You can also view footage of this via the TMZ article.

It has not been confirmed whether alcohol has been involved in the incident since her condition prevents doctors from performing any tests to determine if she was driving under the influence. She is currently intubated in the hospital but expected to live.

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These are the vulgar license-plate requests the DMV has rejected

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Stay CL4SSY, New York!

The state Department of Motor Vehicles nixed 3,752 requests for vanity license plates in the last three years because it deemed them too raunchy, radical or simply ridiculous.

New York’s personalized plates go for $60 initially, and then $31.25 annually for renewal. You can get any plate as long as no one else has it and it’s not offensive.

Odds are a request for a plate that marks a wedding anniversary or shows your allegiance to a team — like METS86 — will pass muster with the DMV gatekeepers.

Vulgarity won’t get you to first base.

So plates with the phrase LFGM — the acronym for Pete Alonso’s “Let’s F–king Go Mets” rallying cry — did not make the cut.

And you won’t see anyone driving around with the custom plates MILFDAD, AS5M4N and WLHUNG.

Crude meanings such as “MILFDAD” are unacceptable by the DMV.
Crude meanings such as “MILFDAD” are unacceptable by the DMV.
New York DMV
NYC123
New York state Department of Motor Vehicles denied more than 3.5 thousand requests for license plates deemed inappropriate.
New York DMV
“AS5M4N” was rejected for referring to “Ass man.”
“AS5M4N” was rejected for referring to “Ass man.”
New York DMV

The DMV also put NICEBUNS, FATFANNY, GOTAPOOP and BENDOVER in the rear-view mirror.

One player unsuccessfully tried to score the plate YESDADDY, to no avail.

The DMV also shot down such dark requests as DEADGIRL, GENOC1DE, S8TAN, DETONATE and MURDERM3.

“SUM8ITCH” is not allowed.
“SUM8ITCH” is not allowed.
New York DMV
The DMV thoroughly nixed a request for “CNNLIES.”
The DMV thoroughly nixed a request for “CNNLIES.”
New York DMV
BOOBIE is prohibited.
BOOBIE is prohibited.
New York DMV

Getting political is a dead end too — FJOEBIDN, FDTRUMP and CNNLIES were nixed.

LUDEDUDE, NARCO, GOT METH and BLUNT also went up in smoke.

Staten Island attorney Bill Dertinger said his blue 1995 Jaguar SJS was tagged with ESQLTD after his company and his 2014 Porsche had the plate GHOSTGTS because the sleek sportscar was white.

“The plates can make you stand out — which can be a curse or a blessing,” the 54-year-old Dertinger said. “Make sure you don’t cut anybody off.”

A man attempted to sneak in “YESDADDY” onto his license plate.
A man attempted to sneak in “YESDADDY” onto his license plate.
New York DMV
The DMV stopped a request for “FJOEBIDEN.”
The DMV stopped a request for “FJOEBIDEN.”
New York DMV
The DMV also rejects any license plates referring to politics.
The DMV also rejects any license plates referring to politics.
New York DMV

There must be a New York Jets fan playing referee at the DMV because a request for the seemingly innocent plate GASE was sidelined. Ex-Jets head coach Adam Gase had an offensive 9-23 win-loss record during his forgettable two-year tenure.

The DMV would not reveal who gives the final yea or nay.

“The DMV reviews all custom license plate requests and works hard to ensure that any combinations that may be considered objectionable are rejected,” said agency spokesman Tim O’Brien.

“GLOCKS” referring to guns is not accepted by the DMV.
“GLOCKS” referring to guns is not accepted by the DMV.
New York DMV
“FLYMOFO” is not approved by the DMV.
“FLYMOFO” is not approved by the DMV.
New York DMV

He said guidelines on what plate combinations are restricted can be found on the DMV website: https://dmv.ny.gov/learn-about-personalized-plates. Approximately 50,000 personalized and custom plates are sold per year, O’Brien said.

Bagged Tags

The state DMV has rejected 3,752 requests for custom license plates in the last three years because it deemed them potentially offensive. Here are some:

YESDADDY

FJOEBIDN

FDTRUMP

GLOCKS

FLYMOFO

BOOBIE

AS5M4N

BUDLIGHT

DEADGIRL

SUM8ITCH

GENOC1DE

S8TAN

CNNLIES

DETONATE

MURDERM3

MILFDAD

WLHUNG

Source: NYS DMV

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